Talk With Ogefash (T.W.O) EP 8 “Will you marry me? No, I won’t. You can say no if he has these habits…

[It’s T.W.O, Talk With Ogefash Baby]


He asked me to marry him, and I said, “No I won’t!” Was I wrong?

Ogefash’s Reply

Encyclopedia Britannica defines “Marriage” as “A legally and socially sanctioned union, “usually” between a man and a woman, that is regulated by laws, rules, customs, beliefs, and attitudes that prescribe the rights and duties of the partners and accords status to their offspring (if any).”

In layman’s language: Marriage is the legal or recognized union between a man and a woman to become husband and wife.

Ogefash’s reply: There is a popular proverb that says “The man who wears the shoe knows best that it pinches and where it pinches or the wearer of the shoe knows where it pinches.”
In essence, you alone know what you are suffering, the trouble, the pain, or what you are going through in the relationship better than anyone else. Hence, you can’t be condemned or wrong for saying no to a proposal.
But, if a guy is nice, and is without a serious offense, it is wrong to have led him on to the extent of now turning down the proposal.

So, will you marry me?

No I won’t!

What can make you say no? Why should you say no?It is okay to say “no I won’t marry you” if he is guilty of the following:

Low self-esteem:

Self-esteem is your opinion of yourself. A low-self esteem person is someone that doesn’t value or approve of himself. So, If someone doesn’t approve of himself, how will he approve of you? This person lacks confidence and feels bad and unsatisfied about himself. He only gains confidence when he succeeds in killing your confidence or making you feel bad like himself. 
Low self-esteem may be a result of financial trouble, not vocal enough, having a different kind of shape, like having a pot belly at a young age, and so on. They use your sadness, and weakness to boost their morale. They criticize you to make themselves feel better than you.
If you say “yes I will marry you” to a low self-esteem person, you have sold your happiness, and will never be happy as long as you are still with him. So, saying no to a “low-esteem person,” will be the best best.

Lacks management:

If you tag along with a guy that lacks proper management of finance, time, food, and other resources, you will end up in penury.
Now, years ago, I dated a guy that was not working. Sometimes, he sees someone to give him money for survival. When I am at his place, I usually like to manage the little money he can acquire for him. So, one day, someone gave him small cash, and he bought some eggs. Imagine this broke guy wanting to fry 4 eggs to eat for breakfast when he knows he doesn’t even have a source of income. Wouldn’t it be wise to just fry 2 eggs since I was going to eat, and then fry the remaining two another time? So, in trying to manage the eggs for him, I fried 3 eggs. Guess what? This guy scolded me. He insulted my life. 
What about food? He wants to eat all the whole food in a day and on the spot.
Then next, he would start comparing himself to his friend that is richer than him. That he wants to spend, eat and do like him. Saying no to this kind of guy would be your best bet.

Uncontrollable bad habits:

A habit is a regular practice that is hard to give up. A habit is something you repeat regularly, and it occurs subconsciously. A habit is an action you do repeatedly knowingly or unknowingly. The consistency of your habit becomes your behavior. 
I will be speaking on different habits. A guy can have habits ranging from Bad Eating culture, Glutton, Stalking, Farting Anyhow, Eating his partner’s food behind her back, Lying, Poor personal hygiene, Dirtiness, Disorganization, Excessive Drinking, Whining [complaining], Arrogant, Being Disrespectful, Uncaring, Limiting himself, Not helpful [Believes women are slaves and not soul mate], Excessive Hanging out and Excessive partying, and so on. 

If these habits are controllable, you are fine. If they are not, you are not fine. Controllable habits are habits that he on his own has intentionally planned and decided to curtail on his accord, and not just because of you. Uncontrollable habit is the opposite of controllable habit and this has become his behavior.
Don’t be fooled by the popular cliche “I will do away with this habit” because of you. He may not stop, especially if it has become ingrained in him..

Not supportive of your career dreams

There would always be a problem in the short or long run if he is not supportive of your career dreams. If you end up marrying such a person, you would either give up your career dreams or end your marriage. So, before you marry, now is the time to choose between your career or getting married to someone who would kill your career dreams.
You can try to make him see a reason why he needs to allow you to pursue your career dreams, but my dear, if he is still kicking against it, naba biko [ leave please.]

Always criticizing you

Some partners never say anything good about their significant other. They would always disapprove of whatever you do or say whether positive or not. They would always throw you under the bus. Their vibe is negative. It is from one negative word to another. If you cook, clean, or wash well, he will still criticize you. You would be surprised that the action they will condemn you for when they see someone else with even lesser action, they would applaud the person. You need to avoid a negative person. Someone that is always criticizing you all the time, and never praises the little good in you is a no-go area. Nobody is perfect the last time I checked.
If you are out there contemplating whether to say yes or no to a guy’s proposal, the following points will guide your decision:

Note that, if you allow people push you into making hasty and wrong decisions, when wrong befalls you and you go to them for help, trust me, they would push you away.   

Ogefash Quote: I really don’t know why people who have thousands of reasons to stay alive decide to kill themselves for one reason.

Madu (People), biko (please) life is worth living for. You need to fight that Grave call regardless challenges-

Stay away from people who keep reminding you about your single status, your age and are pushing you to marry any man or have a child out of wedlock because you are age 30! The choice is yours. Remember the idiom; the patient dog eats the fattest bone. 

Here's my view

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