[Recap] Talk With Ogefash (T.W.O) EP 5 “I am over 30 years of age; should I marry any man? Should I have a child out of wedlock?

[It’s T.W.O, Talk With Ogefash Baby]

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 I was just 22 years old when my ex-boyfriend wanted to “make an honest woman out of me” even though he already married another. I immediately turned him down outrightly. I however feel sad now for doing that because the right suitor hasn’t come my way yet. I think if I had allowed my ex, my first child would have been about 14 years old today!

Ogefash’s reply

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines “Born out of wedlock” as “To be born when one’s parents are not married.”

Also, the same dictionary defines “make an honest woman [out of her/ or someone] as “The act of marrying, especially a woman one has already had sx with.

In layman’s language: Out of wedlock means to be born by a woman and man [parents] that are not married, to be born outside marriage. While making an honest woman of someone means marrying that person.”

Ogefash’s reply: Hmmm, I know as a lady, the pressure to marry is always much especially when you are on the three decades age “30” years and over 3 decades.

At about that age, you are extremely worried.

Why are you worried?

  1. You are worried because most people around you stylishly keep reminding you either by spoken words or gestures that “Ile omo obirin kin pe su” which translates to “women experience menopause early.” Sometimes, when you have a slight headache or you feel awful, you decide to Google to find out what may be happening to you. Some articles honestly are always so discouraging, as they just link it to you almost reaching menopause.

So, on that menopause issue

My dear, if it is because of that, you need to quickly remind them also about the 68 years old woman who gave birth to twins after 42 years of marriage. This woman must have married earlier than 30; perhaps at age 24.

2. You are worried because most people around you keep reminding you either by spoken words or gestures that “your friends or mates have been picked why is yours different?” 

So, on that “Your friends/mates have been picked” issue

You need to quickly remind them that everybody has got his or her set time. You need to also tell them that some of your mates have also gone 6ft under. If you recall, Pastor E.A Adebye, the General Overseer of RCCG said “When the time God set apart to favor you comes, everything will begin to fall into place suddenly.” [Acts 2: 1-4]. He also said, when your day comes, anybody who wants to stand in your way, God will make them restless.”

3. You are worried because most people around you keep reminding you either by spoken words or gestures that “you are too choosy hence the reason you are yet to settle down.” 

So, on that being too “choosy” issue

You need to also quickly remind the busybodies that knowing your worth doesn’t mean you are choosy. Let them know how you dated the dwarf, giant, intellectual, non-intellectual, dumbo, glutton, pot-bellied, 6-packs, dark-skinned, light-skinned, ugly, beautiful; the possible and impossible men; but they all turned out to be “Great” in the opposite meaning. I just said “Great” exactly in the voice of Lizzo in the song Truth Hurts [View the review here]

4. You are worried because most people around you keep reminding you either by spoken words or gestures that “all your married friends are no longer friends with you; you are just friends with those that are single!” 

So, on that having “single friends” alone issue

You need to remind them again that you have no problem with that as long as they are the sensible ones.

5. You are worried because most people around you keep reminding you either by spoken words or gestures that “your friend has a child out of wedlock and she is showing off that child, so why can’t you do the same”

So, on that “having a child out of wedlock” issue

You need to remind them that God is the giver of children. Some people are faster than God when it comes to childbearing, and, in the end, they face the consequences.

Hello there, if the numerous aforementioned points are among or all the reasons you feel pushed to marry any man or have a child out of wedlock; then get ready to be knocked down emotionally and in all ways.

Fine, I understand it is not easy to be lonely especially when you have clocked 30. I know you are scared of menopause. I know It is not easy to subdue some cravings. You need someone to call pet names and vice versa, you need someone to buy gifts and vice versa, you need someone to cuddle and vice versa, you need someone to pray with, and you need someone to put that cock on your vulva. You also desire to procreate and see what the creation of someone in your image looks like.

But still, I must advise you to be patient. Remember this idiom “The patient dog eats the fattest bone.” Yes, still hold on! Be patient! I know this may sound cliché, but in all honesty, the right person for you is around the corner and making himself better for you; but you just don’t know it.

I reiterate, be patient, because all men are not the same likewise all women. There are good men and there are bad men. There are good women and there are equally bad women. So if you rush into marriage with just “any” man, and that “any man” happens to be a bad man; then you may as well prepare yourself to rush out of it. 

But wait, are some married women not telling you what they are going through at the hands of their husbands and in–laws? Are you not seeing them in your area? I hope your hasty decision to marry just any man will not make you a victim of domestic violence; the domestic violence that would lead to your death. One of the lessons in our Sunday School manual says “The decision you make will tell whether you will enjoy marriage or endure blows and constant war with each other.” 

I reiterate, be patient, and don’t be in the category of people that say “Oh I just need a child only; no commitment, no marriage please!” So what then becomes of you if something happens to that child? The story trending in my country now is about a woman that lost all her children on the same day. Ain’t praying for you or your loved ones to experience such, but just set your priorities right! Wait for your set time. Believe God for your set time.

In conclusion, I must let you know that I am over 30 years of age and I am currently single, not to talk about planning a marriage with a spouse. But I don’t let anyone pressure me into marriage. If you tell me to go and marry, I would give you the assignment of finding me the right spouse like I always tell my elder sister @Mrs. Adeleye whenever she brings up the issue of marriage.

So, please darling, don’t be pressured into marriage or having a child out of wedlock because someone says you are close to menopause and you should just find any man to impregnate you.

Don’t be pressured into marriage because of what backbiters are saying about you; I can assure you that their gossip would make God speedy your requests. Marry because you are convinced that it is the right thing to do at the right time with the right person. Let it be because you desire a true companion; an everlasting companion that would complement you and make you happy always.

Note that if you allow people push you into making hasty and wrong decisions, when wrong befalls you and you go to them for help, trust me, they would push you away.   

Ogefash Quote: I really don’t know why people who have thousands of reasons to stay alive decide to kill themselves for one reason.

Madu (People), biko (please) life is worth living for. You need to fight that Grave call regardless challenges- Ogefash- https://ogefash.reviews/2017/10/29/the-grave-call-suicide-not-an-option-2/

Stay away from people who keep reminding you about your single status, your age and are pushing you to marry any man or have a child out of wedlock because you are age 30! The choice is yours. Remember the idiom; the patient dog eats the fattest bone. 

Here's my view

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